Stephen Merchant

When's Steve's birthday?
Around 23rd November 1974 (based on his hungover performance on the 24th November 2001).

What are Steve's previous jobs?
Mobile DJing as "The Rock N Roll DJs" and "The Fantasy Island Roadshow", assistant to Ricky's Head Of Speech at xfm (Steve left after a month), DJ on Radio Caroline.

What is Steve's favourite film?
"After Hours"

Is Steve a miser?
"I'm not a man who likes to spend unnecessarily..."

Karl Pilkington

Not only are people reposting magazine scans, Dave has even cut and pasted this whole section for his Karl site. He didn't ask, but he was kind enough to credit me AND put a link in - but if you're going to do that, for heaven's sake get the link right!

What doesn't Karl believe in?
Astrology, reading to the end of stories and getting all the knowledge

What does Karl like?
Things that are "a bit weird", like "The Hairy Chinese Kid", ghost stories, Vicky Lucas, "...fish fingers, potato cakes and beans for tea".

What doesn't Karl like?
Nudists, doctors, touching his own testicles.

What does Karl fear?
Going to the doctors, having a doctor place their finger up his rectum, homosexuality.

Does Karl have a girlfriend?
Yes, her name's Suzanne.

Why does Karl fear homosexuality?
"Because I might like it and then Suzanne would leave me."

Where does Karl live?
Central London. He used to live opposite an old woman who never moved and a Chinese man who danced in his underpants while his girlfriend sat in the next room.

He then moved to live opposite a woman who walked around in various states of undress. When she caught him watching her, he responded by flashing her. This would've been a perfect solution had his girlfriend not walked in and asked what he was doing.

What would Karl do if there was a war?
"What here? Go on holiday."

What exams did Karl pass?
Karl never went back to school to find out what his results were so Ricky and Steve found out for him and announced on the 2nd March 2002 that he got a GCSE grade "E" in History. Karl was amazed, because he didn't remember taking History.

He also "made a little clay man" in art, but "Mrs. Matthews said to me mam and dad that I'd never be a high flier - and that was after I played the drums in 'Little Donkey'."

Who was Karl's closest childhood friend?
Darren Buckley - "all the girls liked him... he had permed hair... like a footballer... his dad was a copper... I wasn't that bothered about having loads of mates... I was happy playing with me magpie..."

Who else did Karl go to school with?
Two lads with big heads and webbed-feet, one lad with a pigeon-chest

Did Karl have any pets?
He had a pet magpie called "Maggie": "...it flew around and it would come to me all the time, then it started pecking me head..." "...it flew away... it was giving me grief towards the end - it was popping me Grifter tyres an' that... flying down, pecking me head."

Apart from the magpie, a succession of cats: "we got through loads of them... we lived near a main road." One of them was often sick, so Karl's mum shaved it to make it easier to clean.

Who does Karl admire?
Winston Churchill "...because if it weren't for him we'd all be talking German - and I'm not that good at that."

What isn't Karl impressed by?
The Apollo Moon missions. "What's the point in going up there..? There's nothing there... I don't think they looked hard enough anyway when they got there 'cos they seemed to get out, have a bit of a dance about and then they came straight back and I sort ofthink 'Did they look properly?'."

What was the best job Karl ever had?
Paper-round: "you get it out of the way at the start of the day... you're your own boss-" "Well you're not your own boss, the newsagent is"

Does Karl believe in Capital Punishment?
"Depends what for... if it's something bad... Hanging's a bit bad..." but "...prisons are getting a bit busy, aren't they...? What can you do with someone if they're mental?"

What is Karl's preferred profession?
Something using tools - a handyman

What is Karl's favourite sound?
Elvis - "In The Ghetto"

What is Karl's least favourite sound?
"Fire engines and that... I think it's a bit unnecessary"

What would Karl Like God To Say To Him When He Arrives At The Gates Of Heaven?
"Just be friendly"

What is Karl's dad like?
An ex-taxi driver. Once, when he was taking a group of handicapped children to the seaside at Blackpool, he put one of them in a wheelie bin because the child was mucking around in his taxi. It was all right though - he stopped on the the way back to pick him up again.

He has now moved to Wales where he enjoys picking up the neighbours' groceries from the telephone box where the delivery person has kindly left them if the people are out.

Is this Karl, Head of a softball league in Manchester?
Who knows...